my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
