i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
