Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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