i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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