Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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