my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
