i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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