____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
