I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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