I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
