im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
