I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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