mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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