I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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