I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
