We named our party play list daddy issues
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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