6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
