smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
