Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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