is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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