new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
