Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
