It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
