Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
