i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
