I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize