There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
