I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
