Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
