It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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