The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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