"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
