Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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