a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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