The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
