I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
