there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
