sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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