im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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