goodnight i made you a song goodbye
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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