Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
