Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
