So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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