He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
