There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
