you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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