Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
