dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
