Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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