I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
