No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
