I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
