Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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