marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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