wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
