just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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