somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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