I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
