Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize