im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
