i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
