I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
