pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
3pm strippers are depressing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you made out with another girl for some wings
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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