I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
