porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
