Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
