Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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