Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
