Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
