Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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