Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
