I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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