i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
