Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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